I am going to sue the city in which I live for a blatant case of butt bias.

How dare they build their sidewalks in such close proximity to my hind quarters?

It is a definite discriminatory design flaw and an affront to by back side.

It is obvious to me that sidewalks, in their design and construction, favor tall people over short people.

When a short person is walking side-by-side with a tall person and both slip on ice or snow, the taller person has more time to react and protect his posterior before hitting the sidewalk than I do as a short person.

Something needs to be done in the name of fairness and equal buffer zones for the backsides of us short guys.

Hopefully this class action suit will force municipalities everywhere to build separate, but equal sidewalks in cities across the nation for tall and short people. Our rear rights are just as important as those of taller people. The fix is fairly simple. Just build separate sidewalks for short people and make them 8-12 inches lower than the existing sidewalks that favor tall people.

 It is painfully obvious to me every time I take a stroll in the mall that all back sides are not created equal, but regardless of the range of rears, it is only fair that there should be equal derriere distance separating all men and women from the cruel concrete below them.

I am hoping that short people across the country will join me and make this a national cause. I can easily envision a new Federal agency to protect the rights and rears of short people across America. We could soon have two DOT cabinet positions Not only could we have the Department of Transportation, but the Department of Tush also makes a nice acronym. Both agencies could use the same stationary and help lower the national deficit and sidewalks across America for short people everywhere.

My wife says I am delusional and could solve the problem by wearing stiletto heels. Then I would have to sue not only for discrimination, but the pain and suffering inflicted by those heels.

9 comments

  1. WFD Says:
  2. HB,

    Are you sure you didn't land on your head?

    Don't you remember the old axiom "The bigger they are the harder they fall"? In this case the bigger they are the farther they fall.

    I don't think even the ACLU will take up your cause.

    Wayne in Rocklin

     
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Thru the lens and life of HB

I'm an apprentice senior citizen who can't wait for my old-man discounts to kick in. At one time, HB stood for Healthy Baby, Hunky Body, Happy Bridegroom, HouseBroken and Half-Baked. My current HB status is Has-Been. A few more Happy Birthdays and Hardly Breathing can't be too far away. Then, hopefully it will be Heaven Bound. I will keep you posted.

Hefty Baby..................Healthy Boy

Hefty Baby..................Healthy Boy

Happy Bridegroom...Hare-Brained

Happy Bridegroom...Hare-Brained

Housebroken...........Has Been

Housebroken...........Has Been

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