House Broken husband

 I consider myself to be a better restaurant critic than a literary critic.

Lord of the Flies is a good novel by Nobel Prize winning author William Golding, but don’t confuse it with Lard of the Floors, which is my credo when it comes to ranking and rating Mexican Restaurants.

It is all about the lard and the floor.

There are only two things you have to look for in choosing a good Mexican restaurant..

If you walk in and find a nice hardwood floor, you can be sure the food will likely be very gringo. Nice tile floors are also generally a dead giveaway that your dining experience will be more Disneyland than delicious.

The best Mexican food can usually be found in restaurants with dirt floors. It guarantees authenticity and taste. Because of health regulations here in the US, however, a compromise is necessary. You won’t find dirt floors, so look for the next best thing. Mexican restaurants with plain concrete floors are a good sign.

Before being seated, ask what brand of lard the restaurant uses. If they brag about not using lard, they are not Mexican. I graduated magna cum lard, so I know what I’m talking about. You want your Mexican food cooked with lard.

If you want your Mexican food from a drive-thru, ask around to see if your Mexican friends know of someone who makes home-made tamales and then drives through neighborhoods selling them door-to-door. In most instances, they turn out to be great tamales.

The best tamales I ever ate came from South Tucson and were made fresh or bottled by my Grandma Rose Clifford. Her Green Corn Tamales brought tears to my eyes while eating them and still make my eyes water just reminiscing and remembering them and her.

One last caveat: I doubt that William Golding ever had a burrito or tamale in his life. Consequently, don’t confuse Lord of the Flies with Lard and the Floors.  Your dining experience should never include lots and lords of flies hovering over your lard-laden re-fried frijoles.