I listened to most of the State of the Union address, until it dragged on past my bedtime. What I heard sounded like President speak to me. That means it was too long, too aggrandizing and too stimulating to the economy and not stimulating enough for me.
Now we come to the State of the Palms speech. I get to write this one.
Some of you know that since last March, I have been growing palm trees in my back yard. They are mostly Torbay Palms, Chinese Fan Palms and California Fan Palms.
Most of you also know that I am undertaking this palm project in Utah, home of the beehive and below freezing temperatures. Palms and frost don’t do well together, unless you add a third element; a greenhouse or garage. I have a greenhouse, but it quickly became too small for the project. I am now using my garage.
Trust me. I have a future business plan, which doesn’t require any Congressional stimulus package, but will require connubial approval. That may not be easy because my wife is still Speaker of the House.
Regardless, the palms are surviving. I can’t say as much for my cars. Since the garage is full of palms, the cars are on the outside looking in this winter.
They don’t mind as much as I do because I am the one who has to go out early, start the vehicles and scrape the ice and snow off the windshields.
I have already been informed by the Speaker of the House that the garage will be off limits next winter. I will need a bigger greenhouse. That isn’t the issue. Where that greenhouse will be built, however, is.
Actually I am part of a stimulus package. If UDOT, Mountain Land Association of Governments and UTA get the stimulus funds they applied for last year, it will mean that my house, and others in the neighborhood, will be knocked down to accommodate the transportation plans they have in mind.
We expect to be stimulated out of our abode of 30 years, so we are currently working our way through the alphabet for future and potential places to relocate. We are now on the letter “B”. So far, Biloxi, Butte, Buffalo and Bay City have been eliminated. I am holding out for Blythe, Calif. I grew up there and it has all the essentials I need. Good golf with cheap green fees. It also has heat and lots of it.
As the relocation debate proceeds, my wife and Speaker of the House reminds me often, “I hope you and your second wife will be very happy there.” That pretty well sums up the State of my Union.
Is that the same area along the Colorado River that was originally spelled Blight?