Authentic Amish Biological Byproducts from Intercourse

Posted by HB Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I spent last week back East on a trip to Amish Country in Lancaster County, PA. Here is what I saw. 


There were plenty of horses and buggies everywhere we went.




When you have horses and buggies, you also have a biological byproduct. That's when I came up with my new idea of selling  Authentic Amish horse hooey from Intercourse. Look for it on EBAY .



My wife, who accompanied me on the trip, quickly pooh-poohed the idea. Next in line in my lists of ideas generated from the trip is to write a book about the ecumenical equality between the Amish and Mormons.
It occurred to me while shopping at a small grocery store one evening while in Amish country. I was standing in line behind a Amish man at the check out counter. I glanced down at my cart and it looked typically Mormon to me. There were chocolate chip cookies, yogurt, Dr. Pepper, Doritos and Hershey bars.

I felt kind of ashamed of my grocery stash until I glanced at the Amish man and his shopping cart. I had expected to see alfalfa sprouts, tofu and whole wheat bread. Instead I saw a box of Fruit Loops and a package of Twinkies.

That's when I came up with my book idea. My wife quickly and quietly hinted to me that comparing Mormons and the Amish using me and the man at the check out counter as examples was not a good idea. She reminded me that I am probably not the most mainstream Mormon she knows and that the man in the black clothes and straw hat in front of me probably belonged to the re-organized break-away Fruit Loop branch of the Amish Church.

I Get Gettysburg


I blame it on a California high school education and ego-centric personality. I had read about Gettysburg. I had studied about Gettysburg. But I didn't really "Get Gettysburg" until last week while standing on the same battlefields where real men shed real blood.

The fact that one of those men was the grandfather of my mother-in-law and the great grandfather of my wife, made Gettysburg a very poignant, meaningful  and  reverent experience.
We had a nice visit to our Nation's Capitol except for a little frustration in finding the LDS Temple. Mormon map reading says that if you get on the beltway, you can't miss it.

Unfortunately, Alice, the affectionate name I gave the woman who kept giving me instructions from the GPS in our rental car, wasn't as well versed as I was in Mormon map reading.

She somehow calculated that the best route from our hotel in Alexandria to the D.C. Temple was through downtown D.C. during rush hour.traffic.

Trust me, this was not a poignant, meaningful and reverent experience.

It quickly became that way, however, upon arriving on the temple grounds.

In defense of women in general and especially the one barking out instructions from the GPS, my wife kindly reminded me that "Alice" might have actually been "Albert" with a Viennese Boys' Choir voice.

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